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Solon's Home

My creative side...

I think I might do this a bit differently than you might expect. In fact I don't think I'm gonna do this right now, you'll have to wait.
 
Wait no longer, today is the day the first songs go up!

9/16/04

A Farewell to Angels

 

I loved you once

In the days of knights

When honor was everything

A backwards word

Could tear the page

And destroy the best names

 

I love you now

In the days of slavery

Where all is bound

And knights mean knavery

Every portrait painted

Is falling off the vine

Over ripened in gallantry

And destroyed by the time

 

I still remember that fist night

When I knew that you would

Stand with me through the cold

Never falter, doing what you could

And how the heavens wept

To have seen the grace

That you granted me

And brought me closer to his name

 

But sometimes you just can’t hold on

 

I still remember that last night

When I had to let you go

Not a single tear from your eye

And then I didn’t know

Where have all of our days gone by

Did I miss them in your arms

Or did I miss them in your eyes

And yet lay so far from you

 

I can picture you in other’s arms

But not myself in theirs

And every longing gaze I pass

Have been me with blank stares

So how do I move on

When the truth can not be laid to rest

In closing arms

Or my now cold bed

 

I miss those days in your sun

I long for those nights of the moon

And every tear I now shed

I wish I could hide from you

 

I guess this is goodnight

For the fairy tale that was my life

I guess this is goodbye

To the angel that I’ve lost sight

May all your journeys be great

May all you tears bear weight

May all your words be heard

May your arms not be cold

 

This is my goodbye

4/20/04
Untitled and in Progress
 
Have you ever stared
down the face in the mirror
searching those hollow eyes
calling to those deaf ears
only to realize the ghost
on the other side
is gone (is you)
 
This tainted lake,
with fresh drawn blood
to break the surface
with life and hope
deeper than Walden
yet carved in earthquake
 
But I'm sorry
the emergency lines were busy
so I had to call direct
to hear a voice on the other end for once
what do the sun and moon
have to say to one another
after eternity in each other's light
that can't be spoken in a moment
 
I'm out of focus
and underdeveloped
in the hands of an artist
and in my own
clumsily sacrificed to and idol
in an empty shrine
 
why do I
trample this flower underfoot
and replace with a headstone
for some hero
I'd never be
replace me with a blossoming tree
 
You left without a word
and I'm supposed to be happy
to catch your voice
for half a minute
wouldn't you cry
if your life turned its back on you
and left you bleeding on the floor
 
forget all of the dreams that got me here
because they amount to nothing more than nightmare
with my bloodshot eyes
soaking the last drops of light
 
I guess today
I was
supposed
to die happy
what
a disappointment
I must be now

4/14/04
Degrees of Truth
 
There are moments in your feathering eyes
and your quaking hands
that signal the end of the day
amongst the tales of shattered glass
Maybe if man weren't defined
by weakness and misery
I hear your voice speak
but the words are lost in (their) infancy
 
The blue sun hangs above
barely two feet over the surface
yet its getting cold in here
against the hand scrawled face
 
The hands of time bending to the will
of a war torn lover
forlorned by the sounds of marching soldiers
chanting her name
across a battlefield sanctified by words of prophets
and blood of poets
Raise your torches and your rifles
for the sonnets
Today will end when the last drop spills
 
The days that pass go unnoticed
in malignant hibernation
trapped by winter kisses
sealing the fascination with cave-ins and avalanches
The blue sun hangs above
barely two feet over the surface
yet its getting cold in here
against the hand scrawled face
 
The clouds are twisting sunlight
to hide in crevices, cut through granite
and forgotten in the soil
unlike the scars of flesh
left in tomorrow
And what do saviors know
in the time of desperation
dancing with the devil in the pale moon light
but please call him an angel
even though his breath is cold
his eyes are never frigid
 
all the tear stained notebooks
and pens bled dry for a heart dryer still
shrivel at the mention of an eternity
cast aside for fear for uncertainty
I'm sorry,
there is not blood enough to atone
for my sins
only my life now can make things right
I hope these fractured hands and
legs cut short can turn the tide
of a thousand errored words
 
Closed eyes to a horror
beg for a shot to be seen
past the silhouttes of demons
hiding in the sunset days
The blue sun hangs above
barely two feet over the surface
yet its getting cold in here
against the hand scrawled face
maybe this blood can warm me

3/1/04
Dead Man Walking
 
Dear John,
I can't help the scars
left upon your bed
or the dire strain
of lost heart dreams.
So far only the sounds
of shattered glass
and miscued lullabies
have shone through your eyes.
That aging camera
with diffracted lens,
never told the truth
like your breathe
heavy and saccharine
against those perfumed skies.
And the lying weather
played upon your weakness
till your face was gone
now I leave too.
Sincerely,
Regretful Moonlight
 
Dear Jane Doe,
I've thought
about those words
you carved in my ears
and all the foreign tears
you feigned at my procession
And his permanent confessional
will hold confidential
for my eternity
while the memory gives way
like my flesh within the casket
cut to term (or specification, designation)
And I've had these ruined pictures
too long beneath my thumb
to tell the difference
between the feigning songs
and fainting hearts...
Sincerely,
Your Buried Hatchet

2/26/04
After the Fact
 
I wish those sunshine eyes
gave me that warmth
of the fire I once knew
instead it seems that
azure sky took off
into the night with a hollow star
 
Errant echoes fill my ears
as the deja vu sinks in
and i become an afterthought
till afterlife
 
Postal codes defining
the paths to the hearts
sent away till the
aftermath of floods
fill ghost towns
in scenic slumber
 
Now those washed out eyes
scream in dusty blues
wandering the desert of the real
the real believer
and in a voice
no longer hers
a few words linger
across the ashen lake
 
Reminding me of an angel's voice
heard through the blackened course
against the din of incessant loneliness
 
Yet I'm afraid I've
fallen out of love with heaven
in a Stockholm syndrome tantrum
above these unmarked graves
 
Errant echoes fill my ears
as the deja vu sinks in
and i become an afterthought
till afterlife
 
If only those blue gray
days could return
to right the wrongs of
this bloodied night
from my red handed crimes
after the fact

2/25/04
Heartless Romantic (Sloth)
 
Lets see this LCD ghost
reflective panels showing
touched up photographs
hiding those blemishes
that have scarred your
eyes for so long
 
Pictures to forget
like flames fed on
foolish inclinations
and ideals
this kiss seals the fate
of those intentions
towards the wall
pressed against her
in crash test precision
 
A justifying mind with
surgical speed to
remove any cardiac
interference from
base instinct
 
A dragon to feed
  off the soot and ash
formed from the
 incinerated painting of Eden
 
You have built a graveyard
atop the ashes of heroes
and called it a palace
beckoning an audience
to your jests
in expense of the lye
beneath your feet
 
Let the effigies of queens fall
Cleopatra still has miles to go
and Victoria could never win
Not while the Whore of Babylon reigns full

2/23/04
 
Mid Life Crisis
 
Desire turned your illusion
to reality
fiction turning true
lies you now believe
but this lie
can't hold water
and the ink
bleeds from the false I.D.'s
the blurring words
cakes your eyes
and desperation
wrings your neck
 
Your back's against the wall
created from a need
a fear
a lost sense of self
amongst the anonymous stars
 
And day dream phantasms
distort that winning smile
into a grimace
begrudgingly
accepting the shifting tide
 
The intuition of failing breathes
guiding you
here among the reeds
seeking a voice
against their drowning nature
but in the words of the predecessors
This day will live forever
among the ouiji board history books
 
And that fading hidden hand
that once protracted the days
contracts the minutes against the night
like whispers against stone walls
 
But when this day finally passes
and the night lingers on its hearth
Does the passage of the time
justify the failing of your heart

2/10/2004
No Title Yet
 
I burn for a reason
  to take another step
Dieing to deny
  myself another breathe
And I hear no voices
  begging me to stop
So why should I
   put this knife to the ground
When I am so close
  to finally, gaining control
 
I breathe
   So here's my chance
to take it back
I see
  a gentle sky fighting
back against the night
I have
  a moment in the crystal
lake staring me down
I live
  another day another chance
another moment in my hands
 
Always in search
  of that holy grail
that was promised us
A dare to be great moment
in this homogenous sea
where do I walk
To find an answer in a cloud
how do I reach a silver lining
10,000 feet beyond my hands
 
In these eyes
   that stare me down
in these hands
   throwing their stones
in that voice
   bearing its weight
 like acid rain against the light
 
Maybe I won't find heaven
but I'll be damned to not find myself
Answers evade my grasp
but my grip will never loose
 
I breathe
   So here's my chance
to take it back
I see
  a gentle sky fighting
back against the night
I have
  a moment in the crystal
lake staring me down
I live
  another day another chance
another moment in my hands

4/13/03

The Broken Mirror

 

I see a face reflected

Burned into my eyes

Telling me stories

Traced upon those wrinkled lines

Every kink tells a different tale

And every word comes from a different tongue

All roads lead to Rome

All lies lead you home

 

Yet still I turn

Always to that broken mirrors

For answers

Traced upon the fracture lines

 

I can never run

Fast enough to blur

The stories from memory

The truth to slurred words

The stories resound in my ears

Twisted to the mouths of forgotten

Memories end in pasts

Ties and broken pacts

 

Yet still I turn

Always to that broken mirrors

For answers

Traced upon the fracture lines

 

I cotterize the wounds

And look again

Still a fractured man

Carved upon the porcelain cells

Thrown against the walls

Mosaics of blood and tears

Echoed answers fail

Beneath this bloody veil

 

Yet still I turn

Always to that broken mirrors

For answers

Traced upon the fracture lines

4/15/03

Coping with Disaster

 

Bloody tears

Fall from faces of anguish

Tearing down

The blackened skies above

 

Shaking trembling fear

            Covered in sterile words

To comfort

            Without the memory

 

Dressed in black

To hide our eyes

From hated myths

To hide from his touch

 

No words

Have been spoken

No breaths have ever expressed

 

 

Another day will dawn again

And another memory remains forever

 

Faces faded

            Passing through to the past

From this day

            Words enshrouded in black

No tears

            Will fall in vain today

No words

            Will be empty

 

For eyes that know the truth

Are eyes that must lead the way

4/15/03

Erased Identity

 

Post mortem silence

gripping so many lives like a fist...

The fist of god?

As wind

            Plays open fields

One must not forget

One step from life

Is another journey

We must all ascend

And yet on this path

One can see others pass

Or more fade away

But I still see their faces

            Or hear their words, their legacy

How can I falter

Knowing my path

            Continues on

Knowing every step

Brings me to myself

Many will pass

None will rise again

And this one will not stop me yet

Let her memory breathe in me

So she can live

            Forever

In each and every touched soul

4/15/03
"Untitled (yet again... lol)"
 

Hateful words

Screamed in regret

Uncaring till faced

With the end

If I could

I'd take back every calloused word

Every bitter lie and share these words

In the final moments

 

Time ticks by so slowly

Like it will never end

But when the clock stops working

It seems all too quick

 

Knowing my eyes

Will never see your face

And I can never again

Be your friend

My heart is broken

My eyes are red

My legs snap beneath the weight

Now on my head

 

(a quick one for a friend of mine who disliked her final words to our lost classmate)

4/15/03
The Distal Path
 

Maybe if my blood would stand still

For only one

I would know the path

Meant for me

 

My vision

            Would clear

            Unto boundless heaven

And light to the truth

 

My arms would stop shaking

Pupils undilated

My heart trusting my head

Trusting my life

 

Days no longer passing

Fueling doubt in my soul

Only sure

Of the way I must go

 

I would be so fleet of foot

If my feet fell to a path

And not

            Undisclosed location

 

I would proceed without a doubt

But this doubt creeps in

Too quickly

 

My resolve whithers away

            My certainty bled dry

                        My soul so thickly sullied

                                    My tears...

A path to right

4/15/03

This is How You Break a Promise

 

If memories

Never change

And life and love

Stay the same

Can whispers from

Broken hearts

Soothe minds trapped in night

Can the storm

Knocking at my door

Bring light

In chaotic moments

            And lightning strokes

            Without tearing down my sky

 

This is how you break a promise

This is how you break a heart

In the middle of a moment

Trapped between the agony and the ecstasy

 

If the only air

You can breathe

Is air

Stale and cold

All those doubts

Stay forever

In the air

Charged with lies with truth

And if something wicked

This way comes

Will I be able

To survive

Missing her words

Missing her eyes

 

This is how you break a promise

This is how you break a heart

In the dead of the night

With silent words unspoken

 

The sun and moon

In constant battle

For a chance

In the same sky

One brings calm

One brings life

Both bring heaven

Both are life

How can you choose

Which to destroy

When both are needed

When both bring joy

Stare too long

At the sun

Youll go blind

Stick with moon

Eternal night

You have no eyes

 

This is how you break a promise

This is how you break a heart

This is how my promise broke me

This is how my heart died

In that silent moment

Of shattering glass heartache

 

10/25/02

The Frailty of Life

 

If my eyes dont open

With the rising sun

I will be content in knowing

That I once truly lived

 

Everyday I stood up

Everyday I held on to

Each passing moment

In my open heart

 

Never fear the life

Placed in your hands

Embrace and enjoy

Everything you can

If there is no second chance

Then take this life you own

Embrace others in your hands

Share the joy you have known

 

One day my heart will fail

My body will collapse

But the life I shared with you

Live on in your hands

 

Times will change forever

Pain will come and go

The legacy you lead

Lives in those you show

 

Never fear the life

Placed in your hands

Embrace and enjoy

Everything you can

If there is no second chance

Then take this life you own

Embrace others in your hands

Share the joy you have known

 

I have felt a fire

Burning through open wounds

I have touched the light

Guiding me on my path

I have felt her hands

Reaching for my own

I have felt the love

So few have ever known

And I will show the world all I have in my heart

And share with everyone around me

All the joys that I can share

10/23/02

Sunsets Bleed the Saddest Colors

 

Just another shadow

Pushed aside by the sun

That one who nurtured him

That one who makes him run

 

His transient nature

So easy to dilute

With the splintered fractions

Of the suns strength

 

Ignored by so many

As they trample him

No care for his life

Or ears for his screaming

 

The one he begged to listen

Lowered her ear

But the words fell like stones

To the bottom of this empty well

 

Exaggerated movements in retreat

In fear of those

That he needs

If he is to be

 

To be nothing

Not even felt by others like him

Forced to hide from all light

Into himself

 

That which he loves

Always so far away

Never within reach

No matter how near the voice

10/22/02

The Greatest 2 Minutes of Your Life

 

With all eyes upon you

Mocking every move you make

Your mind too far gone

For them to ever understand

 

This passion burning

Deep and long

The only light in

A dim world

Too blind to see

Your fire

That could

Save them all

 

Their gestures to hurt you

Fall upon empty air

Nothing can bring you down

To their resting place

 

A candle flickering with life in motion forever burning eternal

 

This passion burning

Deep and long

The only light in

A dim world

Too blind to see

Your fire

That could

Save them all

The truth

That could

Save them all

 

I bleed passion

From open wounds

For all to see

With no shame in my heart

 

Body like fire (Such energy flows through me)

Spirit of stone (Such power it gives me)

Will like the wind (Forever in motion)

Passion strong (Forever in me)

10/17/02
The Heavens Open
 

You dont have to die

Just because they say

There are no angels

in the sky

 

If this earthly presence

Does not seem enough

Just enjoy and take

Your solace, where it comes

 

Sometimes the pain

Is overwhelming

In the face of past

Lives lived

 

And those things

So worth the strife

Always seem to slip away

Or you push them back

 

You deserve it all

Or I would not give it

The heavens could sink to the sea

But in my heart youve never fallen

                        Not 1 inch

                        Not 1 second

 

The mirror can only

Reflect what it sees

But it only sees

What youve shown it

 

You are not the prize

But why I fight

Against the highest tides

The tallest lies

 

One word is all it takes

3 words to save the world

my words to spread it all

your words to reflect the surface

 

You deserve it all

Or I would not give it

The heavens could sink to the sea

But in my heart youve never fallen

                        Not 1 inch

                        Not 1 second

10/15/02

All Too Missed

 

Faded pictures of possibility

Haunt my vision

The broken mirror

Endless fractured reflection

 

A past so misshapen

In a years solace

Guided

By the memory

 

So many falling to their knees

In his honor

Most loved and cherished

By those left behind

 

How kindred spirits could

Be torn apart

Long before

Their chance to shine

 

A name never forgotten

In times of pain or joy

Always sitting waiting

Like the sun before the dawn

 

So many falling to their knees

In his honor

Most loved and cherished

By those left behind

 

No words can change

This truth like the wind

Like his soul, his life

All too fleeting

All too loved

All too missed

10/13/02
Empty Coffee Cups
 
Used up
Like everyone else who
came before me
For your pleasure
for your benefit alone
 
That look in your eyes
Was a lethal injection of inemotion
Straight to the heart
Straight for the kill
You couldn't have cared less
 
Ripped open
Like a christmas gift
You've recieved
a million times before
I was
nothing special
just another dose
to keep you
stably dying
happily!
 
That look in your eyes
Was a lethal injection of inemotion
Straight to the heart
Straight for the kill
You couldn't have cared less
 
As my heart
burns down
in a blaze
of fading glory
in your name
you stand there
idly chatting
about all the times
you've done
this before

10/03/02

Violent Messiahs

 

When everyday feels like dying

And burning hearts never ignite

Who do you turn to?

            Where do you go?

 

Your savior destroys you

Each and every time you embrace him

Taking you lower

            Just a little bit more everyday

 

Cant you see

While on bended knee

He betrays you

All to often

 

Burning away every little thing

That you have left inside your heart

Lying to yourself

            To cope with nothing

 

You dont have to stay down forever

Break this chain to be free (you want it)

Strength comes from heart

            Bravery through the pain

 

Take your life into your hands

Dont betray your heart

Your dignity

            Your self

 

Your savior destroys you

Each and every time you embrace him

Taking you lower

            Just a little bit more everyday

 

Cant you see

While on bended knee

He betrays you

All to often

 

Every step seems harder than the last

Each breath fainter than the rest

But strength wells up in your soul

As you struggle to free yourself

Each step pulling you further from his grasp!

9/16/02
Another Lonely Monday
 
Self pity serves me no purpose
I've given up on giving in
Buried myself once too often
Now I rise
   Never to fall again
 
My hand touching yours
My heart matching beat
My eyes forever open
My soul forever free
 
I'm tired of lying to myself
to cope with disaster
I will embrace the truth
Even if it burns my skin
Like flying to close to the sun!!
 
My hand touching yours
My heart matching beat
My eyes forever open
My soul forever free
 
Twisting words twisting thoughts memories distorted
by ideas that betray truth
Ideas that could never be
Sick and tired of being beaten down
    By myself
 
I STAND TALL

9/13/02
The Call of Life
 
Where do we go from here?
 After all the bitter memories
  and pain
 What do we do now?
 
We must take a step
  Move forward
Let the past be lessons taught
  And the present striving for the next moment
 
Caught up in everything
 Seems to spin out of control
We can grab the reins
 We can live on as before
Everything we've been through
 is another stone for our castle
building on a strong  foundation
 Reaching to the sun and sky
A wise man had so so long ago
 Simple words to guide us all
Every journey begins with a single step
 Let this end be my beginning
 
We must look ahead
 live our lives again
Let the past be lessons taught
  And the present striving for the next moment
 
So many questions "WHY?"
will all go unanswered
There is no truth to respond
Just reality unfolding for us
To sit and wait for the next day
Is to seal your fate
 
Its time
 Time to get up again
 No more lying down
 No more giving in
Place one foot forward
Let your weight sink deep
Each step lighter
 Each step higher
  Each step closer
 To your fulfillment
Further and further
 With every step

9/6/02

Wonders and False Histories

 

Where are the heroes

This world had promised us

The saviors

We were told would come

They were lies

Given to make us wait

In complacency

With all of our patience draining

 

My heart wont let me standby

As brothers and sisters are stricken down alike

If nothing wonderful ever happens

I will make it so myself

With my hands

And my strength

 

The blood has spilled

For long enough

For the rivers to run red

Like my heart, my eyes, my soul

Im sick of standing by

Watching my world cry

Hoping and praying for the messiah

The one that seems to betray our confidence

 

My heart wont let me standby

As brothers and sisters are stricken down alike

If nothing wonderful ever happens

I will make it so myself

With my hands

And my strength

9/6/02

Shooting Stars

 

And the night sky

Will swallow another

Soul whole

 

And when eyes gaze

Upon a new star

They shall remember

All the dreams they

Used to share

 

But memories lie like

Pictures, false and hollow

Unlike their untainted surfaces

 

And the life that

Protects you will show

You love while you

Search for the answers

It will embrace and

Bring you warmth even on

Those coldest, empty days

 

Searching for purpose

And meaning in all

Those years that

We pass by

 

Yet distant stars are the

Only ones with beauty

That you can love

For fly to closely

And your wings will melt

Into your fall

8/10/02
Trust Born Strength (for Alexia)
 
The lies the truth blend together in a tattered dream
Losing grip on the picture held together in this broken frame
Two halves of a world, torn apart by everything you saw and knew deep inside your heart
 
This world that seems to
  betray me every chance it gets
Must be denied the power
  to overcome my dreams and strength
I put my trust in myself
  Because I won't fail my heart
I know this to be true
  My strength is reborn
 
These dreams fill my strength, my strength drives me foward
I let my fears slip by the wayside
Yet I still feel my plans fall apart like my life sometimes
But these dreams that stand strong within are my light
The only things I have left so I protect them with everything I have
 
This world that seems to
  betray me every chance it gets
Must be denied the power
  to overcome my dreams and strength
I put my trust in myself
  Because I won't fail my heart
I will never fail myself
  like so many have done to me

8/10/02
 The Great Saiyaman (Working title (I was watching DBZ at the time so sue me))
 
Beaten to within an inch of my life
               Yet I still breathe
My strength will grow with every battle
                No matter how near defeat
Everytime I feel you blade sink into my skin
    I delve deeper inside... unleashing my everything
 
You can't comprehend my strength
    Born from the direst hour
Every step I'm nearer death
    Yet always pure of power
 
Look deep into my eyes
try to underestand
What all this means to me
 
Everything you've belittled
my world at hand
It grew stronger everyday

8/10/02
I Still Stand
 
After everythings been said and done
After all my heartache to move on
You expect me to fall to my knees
And save you from yourself
 
Who was ever there
         To save me from you
When you let me fall
         To shatter on the ground
(x2)
 
You are nothing of what you used to be
Everything you were before no cast away
You betrayed everything you ever claimed
So you could avoid yourself one more day
You expect me to fall to my knees
And save you once again from yourself
 
Well I'm finally through with the betrayal
Just because you're weak doesn't mean I have to be
You brought my world down
      Buy I've built it right back up
From the ashes you scattered
      In hopes I'd be lost forever
 
Who was ever there
         To save me from you
When you let me fall
         To shatter on the ground
Who was ever there
         To save me from you
I've proven once again
         I don't need their help

7/28/02
"This Waking Dream"
 
Each moment like a nightmare
Replaying in my sleep
Everlasting anger rising
Pumping through my blood
 
And so I work my way
Everytime I take a breath
To escape the chasing demons
And realize this waking dream
 
My hard earned rest
Only comes with struggle
As I try each night
To lay incomplete
 
But my strength will push me forward
Through the darkest nights
Beyond this wintry desert
Into my own world
 
And so I work my way
Everytime I take a breath
To escape the chasing demons
And realize this waking dream
 
Though the muscles burn
And the bones break
Beneath this weight
I will shoulder every burden
To live this waking dream

7/28/02
"Untitled"
 
I see you stand in the
light you've created for yourself
Through the hate through the pain
through everything the world could do
 
So you stand though alone
With such strength you fear for others
 
Never down on your knees praying
for a god to save you
Always standing tall no matter how
shaky the ground below
 
The storms that pass overhead
Have not quelled you in your flight
Though the sky may be dark
You trust the guiding winds
 
Understanding learned from pain
Life's lessons in the truest ways
Indomitible strength that will infuse
With the world
 
Never falling to false prophets
That will lead astray
Always standing tall no matter how
Shaky the ground below

7/18/02
"This World I Call My Own"
 
As purple skies
 open up to day
That slithers through the forests
 searching for shelter
  From the night that chases quickly
 
I see the rivers
 Beckoning so sweetly
For a gentle kiss
 From nature's children
 
But a single child
 Betrays his mother's trust
Destroying brothers and sisters alike
 With no remorse for his actions
He spends his days carving holes
 and rules deep into his flesh
He kills his family so that
  an arm may claim supremecy
  To the foot made of the same flesh
The mother has tried to punish
  But still this child ignores
   Seperating and betraying
 The one who gave him birth
 
In the end one arm
 Will sever the other
And one day the
 child's soul will leave him
    lying there praying for solace
Mercy that will never come
 For all that may have
 helped have died by his hands
 
Give the child paradise and watch it burn
 
Will the father come to comfort
His wife and bring into this world
A child pure of hope and truth

7/2/02
"Pillar of strength"
 
You can tear at my spirit
But I will get up again
You can try to knock me down
But I will get up again
 
I will not quit
I will crawl from the gutter
You will not stop me
I will get over it
         Because I must
 
I will not lay down and die
So you can ressurect my corpse
And have your way with me
Until you're satisfied
 
My will must see me through
As I push myself off my knees
And no matter what
I'm once again on my feet
 
I will not quit
I will crawl from the gutter
You will not stop me
I will get over it
         Because I must
 
Sulking got me no where
Tears burnt my face
This pain I put myself through
Now I make go away
 
I deny you this chance
Because you pushed
Me from the edge
Hoping when I hit the ground
Only you would be in my head
 
You screwed me over
         For the last time
Hope you got you kicks
I will not suffer
      One last time
Hoping for your kiss
 
I will not quit
I will crawl from the gutter
You will not stop me
I will get over it
         Because I must
 
I will embrace pain as my brother
As I embrace pleasure as my lover

6/25/02
Angel's Whispers
 
I watched my dreams die
By my own hands
 
I had spent my whole life searching
 And what I found would kill me
  Without a second thought
 
All those nights that I cried
 So alone so very cold
All those days locked away
 So empty so very far away
 
I watched those days slip away
In these arms
In this embrace
But the angel's wings could not hold me
So I let it all
Drag me back
 
My rage has not been stilled
My eyes still so red
My pain burns brightly again
I am a vessel for everything
 That no one wants
How can I pull myself back
When no one showed me how
They all left me there
Just when I needed help
 
All those nights that I cried
 So alone so very cold
All those days locked away
 So empty so very far away
I watched those days slip away
In these arms
In this embrace
But the angel's wings could not hold me
So I let it all
Drag me back
I have pulled the knife
Left in my back so long ago
The blade still warm with blood
My body still warm with life
Sometimes I wish I could kill them all
And be complete in myself
But still they lie beside me
Unable to see me within
Given the chance to end it all
I would  spare the world and fall from the angel's hand

6/25/02
"Pulling myself off"
Why am I so blind
To everything in front of me
The answers and the reasons
Were staring right at me
But I failed to take notice
My mind pushed it all away
 
I forgot the reason
 What she meant to me
   In that single moment
And lost my only chance
   To truly live
 
I knew from that point on
What it is I should have done
But in the hour of chance
I blew another hopeful moment
And sent myself to this grave
The grave I now call home
 
I forgot the reason
  What she meant to me
    In that single moment
And lost my only chance
  To truly live
   To truly be complete
 
No matter how far I go
The distance can never be far enough
To forget those moments
That I wish I could change
Do the things I know to be true
Do what I should have done
 So many times before
But these pages have bee
 Burned before such eyes
Could befall and know
 What they need to know
 
I forgot the reason
What she meant to me
  In that single moment
And lost my only chance
  To truly live

6/15/02
 
Masks
I wear these masks because my face is too cold and ugly
Or so they say
As they beat me
With my insecurities
As I wear this mask, you cannot see the tears
That fall from my eyes
That fall from your beatings
From all the times you push me away
I can hide just as well
As any man
I can run just as fast
As anyone
You cannot see the hurt
That you burn deep in my chest
As I wear these masks
As you wear them too
I cannot see the faces
Of the nameless ones
That befall upon my body
That befoul my spirit
But I feel the tearing
Of their ragged claws
As I slip away to where
They can never reach me
I can hide just as well
As any man
I can run just as fast
As anyone
With my back turned to you
Your hands will never reach me
As I tumble down the well
You dare not follow through
The well so many dive in
In hopes of rescue
But I feel the tragedy
In my actions
That no one else feels
In my vision
In my hoping
In my dreaming
I can hide
Until I am found
I can run
Until I trip
Watch me hide
Until they find me
Watch me run
Until they catch me
And tear out my soul again

"Between Shade and Sun"

Drifting slowly on the sea of wind
Rocking to and fro
Leaves falling through the night
A gentle hand brushing lightly
Calming violent storms
That swirl beneath the surface

Those eyes
The sun and moon
Collapsing
On soft horizons
Lighting
The world
Alighting
Between shade and sun

Let the world embrace you
Beneath the sky
With stars burning brightly
Lighting the way unseen
In daylight
Clear inside enlightened hearts
Reach out and take hold
Of the dreams
Behind the window
Trust hands that open warmly
Cut and bruised
By the world they love

Those eyes
The sun and moon
Collapsing
On soft horizons
Lighting
The world
Alighting
Between shade and sun

Weather-beaten and unafraid
Of the twilight
Beneath the shade
Standing calmly in the morn
Withstanding surviving
The brutal storms
No longer trapped alone
Now in embrace
Unalone within the sun

Those eyes
The sun and moon
Collapsing
On soft horizons
Lighting
The world
Alighting
Between shade and sun

"Open Arms" (it's a new one that I haven't looked at much)
Look through the clouds
Formed by your fears
Be strong within
 
Forge your will of steel
Born from the vision
Unperturbed by the horrors
That innocent eyes have seen
 
The light will blind
Those with hate in their eyes
The wind will sweep
And push aside the darkness
 
(chorus)
I have my strength
Born from myself
Dedication to life
Love, self, and world
 
The four horsemen will try
To strike us down
To us they try to deliver
Illusion, hatred, fear, and pain
 
We will not give in
Our resolve will be our legs
In the face of our challenges
We will not give up
 
They see our strength
But don't understand
Not because they can't
Only because they won't
 
Open your eyes
Open your ears
See truth one time
And understand
 
(chorus)
I have my strength
Born from myself
Dedication to life
Love, self, and world
 
The lies that comfort all
Are the words that I push away
Illusions fall apart
When the sun shows its face
 
Watch the clouds fade away
And the sky becomes clear
World blessed by
The daylight rains
For yourself alone
(chorus)
I have my strength
Born from myself
Dedication to life
Love, self, and world
We have our strength
Born from ourselves within
Dedication to life
Love, selves, and world

A sunrise; Actual size=300 pixels wide